That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
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