you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
