I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
