You don't have asthma, your pregnant
someone threw a dead crab at me
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
