i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
