wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
