Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
She needs sedatives and a leash
50% drunk capacity currently
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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