first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
