Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
