Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Randomize
