I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
