Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
