I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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