You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
