escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
