highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
