I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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