No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
