omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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