Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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