I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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