i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
