He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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