I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
