is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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