We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
