watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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