I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
