meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
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