Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
