In the future we'll all be gay
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
