yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
