Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
