I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize