I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
