What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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