mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
