So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
