She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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