WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
