I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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