well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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