You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Dear god my vagina.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
