Barsexuality is the new black.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
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