If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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