if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
