I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I cockslap morals
Barsexuality is the new black.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
