Fine. I'll sleep in my office
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
