Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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