two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
